A Narcissist's Reaction Read online

  Calculated Reaction

  Songs of Pain on Repeat

  Rae Shawn

  Copyright © 2020-2021 by Rae Shawn

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  Rae Shawn asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

  www.loveraeshawn.com

  To those who always believe in me.

  Contents

  1. Too Good To Be True

  2. Blue

  3. Stronger

  4. If I Could Turn Back Time

  5. It Wasn’t Me

  6. F*ck You

  7. I Gotcha

  8. Happy

  9. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing

  10. Last Midnight

  11. I Knew You Were Trouble

  12. The City

  13. Praying

  14. Bad Decisions

  15. Bad Guy

  16. Dead To Me

  17. I Hate Myself For Loving You

  18. Once Were Lovers

  19. Runaway Child, Running Wild

  20. Looking Up

  21. Fighter

  22. Blame The World

  23. Angry Too

  24. Wreak Havoc

  Acknowledgments

  Thank You

  Also by Rae Shawn

  Chapter 1

  Too Good To Be True

  A newfound freedom left a smile across Janelle’s face. Since she and Jayson started to live their lives more than focus on situations out of their control, things were looking up. That morning, they deliciously rolled around under the sheets before Jayson left for work. Janelle laid there at her leisure for another two hours before getting up to do her own job.

  In the year and a half since Frankie left the note of warning on her windowsill, Janelle had married Jayson – without one of her bridesmaids present, for obvious reasons – found a new position and saw the start of a new family soon coming. Working from home had never felt more invigorating, but thanks to a new newspaper that allowed her to do more of what she loved, she was able to dive back into work and not feel weighed down by past experiences. She became the lead investigative reporter at the Californian Times, which was the main competitor of the L.A. Pioneer where she was previously employed.

  Janelle wasn’t the only one who had a new position. Jayson had been promoted from Detective Sergeant – a title he barely ever used except in certain professional capacities – to Lieutenant. His role had gone further and further from being out in the streets to supervising others, but on rare occasions he was still lead on a case. He worked the day watch and managed two sergeants and three detectives directly under his wing in RHD.

  Since Janelle spent a certain amount of time and energy still actively looking for Frankie, working remotely became a blessing in disguise. Jayson had enough on his plate to not notice anything suspicious and he thought she had slowed down on her search after the wedding, but she had instead started talking to him less and less about it.

  They hadn’t caught a break in six months and he wanted her to focus on their newlywed status, her current job and finding the ability to trust people again. She was also newly pregnant, but she hadn’t told anyone except Jayson when she found out the week before, so he was even more adamant about leaving the investigation into Frankie’s whereabouts to the FBI and the task force who were working the case.

  She didn’t trust them as far as she could throw them. They hadn’t even made the initial connection with the bodies. She had. They hadn’t decided to pursue Frankie in any capacity until after she released the article slamming them to the wall and even then, they hadn’t been able to stop Frankie from finding her way to their house and leaving a threatening note against their windowsill.

  Janelle planned to continue her search for Frankie whether Jayson liked it or not because either way it went, Frankie was amping up to do something vicious and Janelle did not plan on being blindsided again. Enough time had passed without hearing anything and that worried her even if she didn’t say it.

  * * *

  After an açaí bowl for breakfast, a lengthy interview with the chief of detectives – who abruptly ended the call – and the final touches on her piece regarding new practices for detectives and previous incidents that led to protocol changes, she began researching the allegations surrounding an Army officer who was found with the dead body of her third husband in her trunk. The problem with military and murder was that they didn’t particularly like to speak to reporters about it. Internal investigations and their own newspaper circulation and all.

  Hours had passed by the time she called it a day. Jayson would be home soon, so she went over to the kitchen to decide what to make for dinner. But just as she opened the refrigerator door, the doorbell rang. Slightly confused, she went over to find Detective John Kelly, Lt. Hazel Black and a third, relatively tall and stout person standing behind them on her stoop. Detective Kelly she hadn’t seen in months. Lt. Black still held a grudge for not being able to help Detective Ana Lennox pin Janelle down for her former boss’s murder, even though both knew she was innocent. Arrogance and confidence are the enemy of anyone who didn’t play on the same team as you – and that described the two women who seemed to despise Janelle so vehemently.

  “Hey guys,” Janelle said suspiciously. Finding them here didn’t spell good news for anyone. She just hoped it wasn’t what she suddenly began to fear. “Would you like to come inside out of the cold?”

  “With pleasure.” Detective Kelly smiled warmly at Janelle as she stepped further inside to allow them into her home. Lt. Black looked at her with an indescribable glee hidden beneath her stone eyes. The man behind her – even more portly up close and in full view – nodded a smile and stepped across the threshold.

  Janelle didn’t know what to make of either of them, but she would hold off on commenting until they told her why they were at her house. Everyone stopped just inside the entrance as Janelle locked the door behind them and pointed them in the direction of the living room.

  “Please, take a seat. Would any of you like something to drink or to tell me why you’re here?” Janelle asked.

  Detective Kelly cleared his throat and looked at Lt. Black, who had crossed her arms over her chest. The man, who still hadn’t been introduced, stepped toward her.

  “Sorry to bother you at your home Mrs. Alexander. I’m Detective Timothy McCoy.”

  Janelle shook his hand before crossing her arms back over her chest.

  “Nice to meet you. Again, anything to drink or an explanation of why you all are here?” she asked.

  “Down to business then.” Lt. Black said.

  Janelle still did not like her, but she attempted to remain professional in her presence. Even though she didn’t speak to detectives or lieutenants as often anymore, she might need to, so she worked on keeping her cool. Plus, there was a third party to this conversation, so she would attempt to be on her best behavior. She thought Detective McCoy’s name sounded familiar, but couldn’t recall ever speaking to him. She also thought she would remember eyes as cold and piercing as ice.

  ‘Figured this wasn’t a social call,” Janelle eyed Detective McCoy.

  Detective Kelly looked nervously between the two women. Janelle had never seen Detective Kelly look so uncomfortable, which was making her all the more nervous herself. She tore her attention from the man she couldn’t place and looked over Detective Kelly’s fidgety demeanor. “Is something wrong, John?”

  He cut his eyes down to Lt. Black, then to Detective McCoy, who both looked at him expectantly.

  “I can tell her, but I’m sure she’ll believe it more if it came from you, so … by all means.” Lt. Black said. The wrinkles above the bridge of Janelle’s nose made themselves evident as her eyebrows drew down then tightly together. She crossed her arms tighter and remained standing near the archway that led into her kitchen.

  “There’s been an incident.” Detective Kelly said.

  “What kind of incident, John?” Janelle asked. She noted Detective McCoy and Lt. Black were watching her carefully.

  “The kind that didn’t end well.” Lt. Black offered.

  Janelle shot a glare at her, but before she could respond Detective Kelly said something to shock her into silence.

  “There’s been a homicide.” He rushed the sentence out like it sat wrong in his throat.

  Janelle stared at him for what felt like hours. Her arms fell to her sides. She thought they might have decided this to be their form of a practical joke, then she ran head first into the fact that they were deadly serious. A random man she wasn’t sure if she’d met before, a woman
who couldn’t stand her very existence and a detective she considered a father figure all watched her to see if she would fall to pieces at this unexpected information.

  She started thinking about Jayson. But it didn’t stop there. Her best friend Giona popped into her head, then her sister M’chelle, then her niece and nephew, then Alejandra, her old coworker. The list kept growing, but before Janelle could get into full blown panic, a hand gently touched her shoulder. She went to swat it away when she saw Detective Kelly’s face come into view.

  “Janelle, did you hear me?” Detective Kelly asked.

  “She heard you, that’s why she was in her little dream state,” Lt. Black said. “Don’t you want to know who was murdered?”

  “Yes I would like to know, but if you are going to continue to be condescending in my home, you can leave,” Janelle snapped. “The professionalism should be extended regardless of how you feel toward me.”

  “Janelle,” Detective Kelly said, drawing her attention back to him. Her eye’s landed on Detective McCoy’s for a moment. She noticed his hands in his pockets and his general uninterested stance, like he would rather be doing something else. The only thing that gave him away was his eyes. They were watching her so intently she began to feel uncomfortable. “At approximately 1735, 911 received a call regarding a disturbance at your sister’s residence. When they arrived–”

  “What?” Janelle responded, cutting him off. She snapped her gaze to Detective Kelly and he looked like he was going to lose his lunch.

  “Upon arrival–” Detective Kelly started again.

  Janelle pushed his hand away that had still been resting on her shoulder. She backed into the kitchen trying to distance herself from this sudden revelation. She didn’t want the cold, clinical police talk. This wasn’t a police procedural. This was real life. She shook her head no, the tears welling in her eyes. She already knew what was going to come next. She didn’t want to hear it.

  “There was evidence of blunt force trauma,” Lt. Black interjected. It seemed like she enjoyed this. Janelle didn’t ask for details, but this was Lt. Black’s chance to rub salt in her wound and technically it was in a professional capacity. “Stab wounds were evident as well. We don’t have time for this,” Lt. Black waved her hand in Janelle’s general direction. “This was a courtesy. So she wouldn’t have to find out from strangers. If she doesn’t want to listen…”

  “Get the fuck out of my house, Hazel.” Janelle pointed to the door.

  “I assure you–” Lt. Black started.

  “If you don’t get out, I swear fo’ gawd they are going to–” Janelle started and Detective Kelly shushed her.

  “No, no. Let her finish. Threatening a police officer is cause for arrest. It’ll be my pleasure to take down both Alexanders in one day.”

  Detective McCoy smirked from his spot in the action. He hadn’t said a word, just watched the exchange, his eyes shifting between Lt. Black and Janelle.

  “Excuse me?” Janelle asked.

  “Oh, right. You didn’t let us finish,” Lt. Black pressed out a breath. “Your sister and her husband were found in their residence with signs of severe blunt force trauma and multiple stab wounds. Your husband was found covered in blood less than a block from the scene. He was arrested and will likely be charge for first degree murder. You have a good day now.”

  Lt. Black walked out of the house. Janelle stood in her kitchen stunned. Detective Kelly wasn’t sure what to do. He looked apologetically at Janelle before shuffling his way toward the door. Just before he left, he turned around.

  “Nel, please come down to the county morgue as soon as you can. They need you to identify the bodies,” he said. Janelle didn’t look up, didn’t nod, didn’t move. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  Detective McCoy was last to leave. “We shall talk again soon.” He said before pulling the door closed behind him.

  * * *

  An hour and a half later, Janelle made her way to the morgue with Giona. She was in no state to drive herself and didn’t know who else to call, so of course her right-hand came through to assist with the situation as best she could.

  “Do you know any of the details?” Giona asked cautiously a few minutes after they were on the road.

  Janelle didn’t speak, she just shook her head. She stared out of the windshield like the answers were somewhere in front of her.

  “It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry Nellie.” Giona said. The rest of the ride blanketed in silence.

  * * *

  Giona waited in the lobby, once they arrived. Janelle had been escorted down the long sterile hall toward an increasingly cold area of the morgue. The entire time, she could only imagine how bad they looked. “I can show you photographs of their bodies instead of the actual … umm … carnage.” The tech grimaced.

  Janelle turned to look at her. The tech, a petite blonde about two inches shorter than her. She offered a kind smile, but Janelle was almost numb inside. She had felt that way since Lt. Black rudely announced the deaths of her sister and brother-in-law.

  Since she didn’t say otherwise, the tech concluded their walk at the entrance of the room that held the bodies Janelle dreaded seeing.

  The medical examiner walked over to Janelle and greeted her, placing a hand to her shoulder blade to keep her steady as they walked over to the wall covered in miniature doors. Janelle sucked in a deep breath and the ME opened the first door. A bloodied white sheet covered a figure that was being pulled from the depths of the small alcove. The looming figure seemed to turn toward Janelle and she turned bone-white, suddenly terrified to be in the room.

  “I don’t think I can do this.” Janelle whispered.

  The table from within locked into place with a soft click. “I understand. We took photos. I believe those were offered as an alternative,” the ME said. “I can show you those instead.”

  Janelle stared at the bloodied, head shape beneath the sheet. “They say my husband did this?” Janelle inquired.

  “I’m sorry, but given the circumstances I can’t discuss that with you, even if I wanted to.”

  Janelle was familiar with the ME. She’d spoken to her on more than one occasion thanks to her tenure at the L.A. Pioneer.

  Laticia James had been the medical examiner over this sector of L.A. County for twelve years. She felt for Janelle, but it would be inappropriate to discuss any details of a murder she was closely related to.

  “I understand,” Janelle said. She took in a shaky breath before she nodded her head. “Okay. I’m ready. You can show me.”

  Slowly the sheet was lifted to reveal the battered body of her brother-in-law. Janelle almost lost it. Her heart shrunk at least one size before she saw her sister’s mangled corpse. At which point, she confirmed what was left of her as her sister thanks to a birthmark and a tattoo, then broke down completely.

  With the help of Giona and Walter – who Giona had to call – they got Janelle back home, but the situation was far from over.

  Chapter 2

  Blue

  While time seemed suspended for nearly 24 hours, Janelle couldn’t continue to sit still and wait to find out what was going to happen. She didn’t for one moment think her husband had committed the crime that stripped her of her sister and brother-in-law.

  For the following day, once she had regained enough of her composure, she attempted to find out what the evidence against Jayson was. To no avail, all she could find out was: Jayson Alexander, 38, arrested for the murders of M’chelle Carrier-Jefferson, 40, and Trevor Jefferson, 42, on January 14. No one, including everyone she had a great working relationship with, would or could give her any further information.